The 2-year anniversary of Mira’s initial diagnosis, where we
first got a clue something was wrong, is coming up this week (July 19th).
With all the emotions that come with anniversary dates, I have realized over
the past few weeks that I have forgotten something rather important over these
past 2 years. I have spent so much time
and all my energy trying to make sure everyone remembered that my daughter
mattered, that I forgot that I mattered too.
I think every new Mom goes through this to some extent. The new baby is the most important thing in
the world, and Mom gets shoved to the side a bit (or a lot depending on your circumstances). New moms can easily lose themselves in this
new role and forget that the other pieces of them have value too, not just
their motherhood. It is similar for loss
Moms in some ways, but so incredibly different in other ways. We are mothers too, so we need to learn to
find our way in this new role, but there is no baby to show off and no
traditional things to do to care for that baby.
We also must find our “new normal” amongst all this, whether we want to or
not. Through this process, we also have
the challenge of the world around us telling us (often by accident) that our
baby does not matter. What is a loss Mom
to do? The same thing any mother would
do if she was told her child did not matter, fight for her child’s value to be recognized. This takes an emotional toll, so it is easy
to forget about yourself in midst of it all.
Over the past two years, as I have lovingly found ways to
mother my daughter despite her being in Heaven and I on Earth, I forgot that I
matter. Her short life matters and
impacted many, and I will never, ever, stop finding ways to share that. I will never stop making sure she matters and
mothering her the only way I know how. But through all that, I can matter too.
