May 23rd: Nurturing Myself
Nurturing myself has looked like learning to say no to some things, mostly events. Somethings are just too hard to attend now. I nurture myself and respect myself by not going. I am still working on this though. There have been a quite a few events I have attended even though I knew it wasn't overly important that I be there and even though I knew that it was going to be very overwhelming for me and cause some setbacks. Typically I went only because I did not want to deal with the anger and lack of understand of other people, but that is no reason to do something. So I am working on it. But I have learned to say no sometimes. I have learned how to help others when I can and how to gently step back when I can barely help myself and have nothing to give. I am also learning to give myself grace in some areas and not beat myself up for everything I can't do perfectly. I have a long way to go in nurturing myself, but I am starting to try.
May 24th: Creative Healing
The creative things I have done as I heal have been the most meaningful to me. I have created a memorial area for Mira in my home, with several of the items made by me. I paint canvases with lyrics and imagines of my grief. I made a scrapbook and memorial video. Writing in this blog of course is such a great help for me as well. The creative things keep my hands busy when I would rather them be caring for a child. They keep my mind busy when it wants to give up.
May 25th: Sound
The sound of Mira's heartbeat will forever be the best sound <3
May 26th: What Now?
Oh, this is a question I ask myself all the time lately. Not very many family or friends read this blog anymore, so "what now?" Should I stop writing and sharing? No, it helps me whether anyone reads it or not. I may wish my friends and family would still read so I would feel more understood and be able to share my feelings with them in a way that is less intimidating to me than having to bring up the my grief with them myself. But really, the writing does help me get things out whether it is read or not, and I do hear from some other loss Moms who come across my post and find them helpful. And if it helps one person, than it is worth it. So what now? Just write when I want to, don't when I don't want to.
I have so many beautiful items for Mira, I have many things I have lovingly made, I have bought, or others have gifted us. I have foxes and memorial items in each room, just as I wanted, so "what now?" Do I stop making and purchasing these small things that show my love? No one else has to stop making/buying things for their children, so I think no, I won't stop doing these small things. And I still recieve gifts, or cards, or mementos from others every once in a while and it lights me up! So what now? I think just keep doing what feels healing in the moment.
These two "what now"s really get to me somedays as I feel like I am doing something wrong, but for now I will just ignore them, as it is working for me and not hurting anyone.
May 27th: Spirit
Mira,
The spirit of unconditional, never ending, never changing, fierce, motherly love you awoke in me will be with me always and forever. Thank you for showing me this wonderful love.
Love,
Mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment